Reactionaries

When I think of the term reactionaries I think of the right. I am surrounded on all sides by Evangelical Christian Republicans. They are my neighbours, friends and family.

I even go to a little country church, half the congregation being blood relatives and the rest generational family friends. I have to regularly listen to their slamming of anything left of far right! I have to listen to it coming from the pulpit. I have to listen to it all without being able to even open a dialogue with them about any of it because they are so far gone. It would only serve to hurt my relationship with them.

And I don't consider myself Christian... at least, not their definition of Christian. And besides, it's the only place I can socialize with people who aren't drug addicts and alcoholics (and even those social pariahs are reactionary right!). My spirituality has little to do with my attending church services in my view. But I could never tell them that.

And there are locals who know I am somehow different but are not sure how so they invent horrible gosip to spread about me.

So, here I am - a radical leftist - attempting to carry on a life with some human interaction with people who would literally shun me if they knew my true political and spiritual leanings.

For years I have tried to find online groups with whom I could share ideas and support. And I have failed miserably at that endeavour. Primarily because I see no need for verbal confrontation among groups who are purportedly working toward the same goals. Debate? Yes. Confrontation? No.

I have come to realize that there is such a thing as the reactionary left. And they have no reservations about getting into a word dual over nothing in what I refer to as drive by. They find me, pick me, and attack me for absolutely no reason. They are simply mad and take it out on whoever is near.

I get enough of that from the fascist element on Twitter. There I am regularly called every hateful name one could think of. But when I am subjected to it in an alleged left political group... well, I feel no reason to stay. And I begin to understand why the left can't get off the ground, politically speaking.

They are just as confrontational, petty and hateful as anything I've seen come from the right.

So, I left the Communist Party USA, the Green Party, and the Socialist Party USA. Now, I am even forced to leave the Socialist Party USA Facebook Open Forum... all because people are so angry they attack their allies.

I have no one anywhere to speak freely about political or spiritual matters with. I belong no where.  I feel alone, lonely, and sad. For both me and our species.